A staggering number of magazines articles (and even the occasional book) focus on the serious task of deciphering what a man really means when he says something. Women have a tendency to question, analyse, and bore our girlfriends silly with our attempts to work out what a man actually means when he utters any given statement; particularly when there is a romantic interest involved in such communications. His voice tone, body language, his choice of clothing (where applicable), and the length of time he speaks for, are all discussed in great detail when trying to analyse his real meaning. We discuss the way his eyebrows arched, or did not arch, whether there was a particular edge to the tone of his voice, or whether it was soft, could be interpreted to contain a certain ‘softness’, or if what we are doing is simply over-analysing the situation. And yes, women will say, “I may be reading too much into this, but…” before going on to do exactly that! Come on girls, you all know you’ve done it.
Now, some of these magazine articles and books have given you a man’s perspective on ‘what he means when he says…’ and yet, there is still a tendency to ignore it all, isn’t there? Why is that? Is it because he is a man? Is it because you are sure that the man who has just told you what men mean has a hidden meaning behind his words that must be analysed, in turn? Is it because, while what he has said may be true in other cases, you have an encyclopaedia-length list of examples of how it cannot be what your man means when he says the same things?
Well, I am writing this entry in the hope that you may just listen if a woman tells you how to interpret what I shall call ‘man speak’. So, let me both save you a great deal of time, and help keep your girlfriends’ sanity intact by telling you, outright, ‘what he really means when he says…’ Oh, and by the way, I can also assure you that he is not spending all that time trying to decide what you meant when you said something to him. In fact, he is not even in search of articles on this topic right now, and is not reading this journal entry.
So, what does he mean when he says something to you?
It is really quite simple. Are you ready?
He means exactly what he has just said.
Let me give you a few examples.
“I like your eyes” means “I like your eyes”. Now, there will be a tendency to take this statement to mean that he has said this in an attempt to bed you forthwith. Possibly but, unless it is backed up by other statements and actions that make it clear that this is what he wants to do (which, by the way, will also be very clear statements that do not require hours worth of analysis) it means that he likes your eyes. It is not code of some kind. It is a clear expression of how he feels. It does not secretly mean “I want to marry you”, “I think you are the love of my life”, “Will you have my children?”, or “Move in with me, please?”. If he feels that way, do not worry, he will tell you that outright. He will say, “I want to marry you”, “You are the love of my life”, “Will you have my children?” or, “Please move in with me?”.
Here is another example for you…
“I really like you, but not in ‘that way’”. Now, he has said he really likes you. Bear that in mind. Yes, he really likes you. He also ‘really likes’ his friends, his sports team, his hobbies, his car, his dog, and his yacht, too. ”Really like” does not mean ‘I love you’. It is also important to listen to the words after the word ‘but’, because they also tell you what he really means. They do not require any analysis, either. They are not a secret message begging you to fix his ‘fear of commitment’, nor are they code for “If you try harder, I will like you ‘in that way’”.
And here is one more example…
“I love you, I want you, I can’t get enough of you!”. You’ve read along so far, so what do you think those words could possibly mean? I will not insult your intelligence by giving you a translation. I will, however, let you know that they still do not mean “Marry me, move in with me, have my children!”.
Of course, some statements that men make are cryptic, and I am at risk of generalising a little too much, however I am trying to keep this article simple. So, with that borne in mind, please remember that even the cryptic messages are still not too difficult to work out, and do not need to be over-analysed. They are the same sorts of statements that women make, too.
“I’ll call you” fits into this category. Yes, he meant it but, as he did not give you an exact time frame for when you could expect his call, you can also read this to mean, ”I’ll call you if I really want to. I probably won’t, but I may do”.
“It’s not you, it’s me”. This statement is also used by women. We all know what it really means. It means, “It’s not you, it’s me” ,or ”It’s you, not me”, or “I am trying to let you down gently so that you don’t injure me in a fit of piqué!”. In some cases, it means exactly what it means. In all cases, it means “Go away now”.
“I think we should start seeing other people” means “I think we should start seeing other people but I am keeping you around unless, and until, I find someone better”.
“Let’s still be friends” means “I am trying to be kind to you, I would like to keep you around, just in case, but I will probably lose contact with you as quickly as politeness will allow”.
There are many examples that I could quote right now however, perhaps you have heard a comment and would like some clarification on it? Ask me, and I will give you the answer.
Really, though, if you work on the premise that there are no deep hidden meanings behind ‘what he means when he says…’ you will no longer need to agonise over anything that the gentleman of your desires says to you and can focus on either spending time with him (if he does desire you and the feeling is reciprocated) or spend time around one who does, instead. It also means that you will be able to enjoy your girlfriends’ company, untainted by the time-consuming task of working out ‘what he really means when he says…’.